when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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