i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
