You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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