At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
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