Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize