Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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