somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
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The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
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I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
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