oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Randomize
