oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.