I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.