you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.