Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy