Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(386): View more from Florida

totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.

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(386): totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen. http://tfl.nu/yxbj

Replies (43) Good night (2971) Bad night (1154)
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(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.

(412): View more from Pennsylvania

wtf?

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.

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(610): I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now. (412): wtf? (610): Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit. http://tfl.nu/b93y

Replies (22) Good night (1014) Bad night (3660)
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(919): View more from North Carolina

i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20

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(919): i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20 http://tfl.nu/xo20

Replies (72) Good night (5667) Bad night (973)
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(417): View more from Missouri

I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.

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(417): I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me. http://tfl.nu/vc9f

Replies (16) Good night (6162) Bad night (1308)
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(512): View more from Texas

I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.

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(512): I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog. http://tfl.nu/2ss8

Replies (3) Good night (1320) Bad night (1433)
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(614): View more from Ohio

I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan

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(614): I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan http://tfl.nu/3du7

Replies (3) Good night (2481) Bad night (750)
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(315): View more from New York

my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless

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(315): my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless http://tfl.nu/2wfy

Replies (8) Good night (3448) Bad night (1381)
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(914): View more from New York

Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO

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(914): Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO http://tfl.nu/kxn2

Replies (6) Good night (1951) Bad night (859)
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(337): View more from Louisiana

so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.

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(337): so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now. http://tfl.nu/ckx3

Replies (14) Good night (922) Bad night (2350)
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(773): View more from Illinois

my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again

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(773): my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again http://tfl.nu/3fhf

Replies (3) Good night (492) Bad night (727)
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(913): View more from Kansas

I want to be your penis for a week.

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(913): I want to be your penis for a week. http://tfl.nu/ha1f

Replies (10) Good night (719) Bad night (334)
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(605): View more from South Dakota

Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right

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(605): Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right http://tfl.nu/8f50

Replies (11) Good night (1332) Bad night (522)
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(614): View more from Ohio

Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.

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(614): Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month. http://tfl.nu/2n60

Replies (4) Good night (666) Bad night (393)
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(248): View more from Michigan

Well I'm in a stranger's bed.

(248): View more from Michigan

Gotta leave to watch the Lions

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(248): Well I'm in a stranger's bed. (248): Gotta leave to watch the Lions http://tfl.nu/toks

Replies (1) Good night (428) Bad night (230)
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(515): View more from Iowa

I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.

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(515): I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future. http://tfl.nu/062y

Replies (1) Good night (386) Bad night (207)

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