Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(313): View more from Michigan

I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me

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(313): I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me http://tfl.nu/x1tc

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(415): View more from California

I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."

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(415): I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker." http://tfl.nu/s149

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(310): View more from California

It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...

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(310): It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass... http://tfl.nu/egbe

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(585): View more from New York

we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.

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(585): we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things. http://tfl.nu/92xs

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(305): View more from Florida

She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.

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(305): She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself. http://tfl.nu/c54w

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(732): View more from New Jersey

the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(

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(732): the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :( http://tfl.nu/7drn

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(816): View more from Missouri

Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.

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(816): Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete. http://tfl.nu/oev7

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(443): View more from Maryland

The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.

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(443): The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of. http://tfl.nu/c44a

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(918): View more from Oklahoma

It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious

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(918): It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious http://tfl.nu/z2uj

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(937): View more from Ohio

we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.

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(937): we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order. http://tfl.nu/a6f0

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(920): View more from Wisconsin

We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like

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(920): We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like http://tfl.nu/fep0

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(206): View more from Washington

Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.

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(206): Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear. http://tfl.nu/poja

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(509): View more from Washington

Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.

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(509): Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe. http://tfl.nu/eubr

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.

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(603): We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma. http://tfl.nu/dz4i

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(208): View more from Idaho

I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.

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(208): I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko. http://tfl.nu/cj6v

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