when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
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