Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
