How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
