We should be called the Road Head Warriors
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
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