He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
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I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
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My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
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