I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
