her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
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