worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Randomize
