I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
