the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
