i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
