I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
they need to just BURY HIM!
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
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