Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
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