she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Found your dick twin last night
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Randomize
