yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
