Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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