my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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