I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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