I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
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THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
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I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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