Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
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