Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Girls should come with a carfax report
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Randomize
