Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
time to smoke my breakfast
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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