Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Randomize
