If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
