She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
