just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
