this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
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He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
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I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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