How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
