sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Randomize
