You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I want to be your penis for a week.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
