Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
