I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Randomize
