Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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