"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
