I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
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