why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Slut skills are useful in every country.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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