I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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