Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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