i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
