I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
