So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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