You're completely useless in the revolution.
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
