I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
